Posted: 10:33 PM (Manila Time) Apr. 02, 2004
IT'S 4:37 in the morning. Spring break ended just five days ago and here I am, kept wide awake by an enormous full moon beaming through the upstairs window. Times like these have the power to transform me into some romantic night owl. Nothing ordinary-a night owl wishing desperately to turn into Juliet Capulet, perched on her balcony, singing.
"Somewhere out there, beneath the pale moonlight, someone's thinking of me, and loving me tonight ..."
I was five years old when I declared my very first "theme song." That was when I was first taught how to make memories through music. Movie soundtracks are very useful for us Pinoys in defining stages of our lives-childhood, growing up, relationships.
On karaoke nights, instantly recognizable are the first three notes leading to, "At first I was afraid ... I was petrified." Those who have whole-heartedly dedicated the song to a specific period, bigay na bigay, 'di ba? Paghawak sa mic, Make way for the instant Concert Queen-the one with hair gone absolutely wild, head banging to the beat, tears (whether of joy or pain is not sure) rolling down her face.
Those who are quieter in spirit, on the other hand, would perhaps choose to sit at home, and enjoy their memories and feelings in silence. I just received a poem from my best friend of 14 years, who says her days "are getting so complicated, it's so hard to write them all down." There is a saying that we do not remember days; we remember moments. Replying to my friend's questions, I chose to share with her some quotes that have helped me make sense of moments in time. By all means, and with her permission, feel free to relate.
What do you do when you realize after whirlwinds of insanity that you just want to have the calm of security?
"One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar." -- Helen Keller
When you want to drift back to the ground after a long breathtaking flight ... when after jumping off the plane you want to pull the string to slow down, will the chute still open for you?
'What would you attempt to do, if you knew you could not fail?" -- Unknown
She liked chasing dragons
and today she sat on the rock
closed her eyes
inhaled the heavy air
and like fuel, she was set on fire.
Her head spun through colors
"The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware. Joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware." -- Henry Miller
And before she knew it
she was on her feet
running from demons
who threatened to take her soul.
She hid from the monsters
who sought to destroy her dreams
and danced away from phantoms
who wanted to steal her spirit.
She didn't stop
passing through villages
almost as if she were going in circles.
She stops to breathe
and lies on the rock
she plunges herself into the dark.
"The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience."-- Eleanor Roosevelt.
She is spun once again
sounds and smells
and she opens her eyes.
Blinded by the sun's startling light
she shields her vision from the rays with her hand.
She laughs and inhales the heavy air again.
She likes chasing dragons.
"Life shrinks and expands in proportion to one's courage." -- Anais Nin
On that note, I say, there is no music when a piece contains no rests. In any kind of relationship, and whether we are suffering from quarter-life crisis, or mid-life crisis, there is always a point in the cycle where we want nothing but to be comfortable.
Comfort can mean many things to many people, depending on their situations, but in the end, the cycle will bring us back to the place where we will have the innate desire to spread our wings and go. Just go. Some drop their heads to watch their feet while dancing, Others don't; they just dance.
If you're too afraid because you might fail, you might end up not accomplishing anything. You also won't get the opportunity to learn what you should, or what you didn't know you could do, because you were too focused on the goal rather than on the journey to that goal. You miss out.
I was told this often enough in high school: You can fail, but you learn. In high school, you fail and come upon lessons that will get you through college. In college, or later at work, you learn more about aspects lurking beyond academics, and how to be both passive and active, both in loving and living. You take control of what you can, and loosen your grip on what you can't. Or, as my friend wrote at the end of her message, you might just learn to lose control altogether.
Gano'n lang. So what if poetry's not something you'd do? Not everybody will have the time to write. I myself can't help being biased to music. You mark a moment with a song, and when you hear it somewhere one day, it will all come back to you. Before you know it, you'll be at the karaoke bar once more with a broken heart or a name blinking in lights after a long-awaited job promotion. Or you'll just want to be there with a bunch of friends to reminisce, have a drink, cry some tears, steal the spotlight! Whatever it is, mark a moment with something-something you can share, something you can sing, something to look back on, to remember without trying. Sprinkle in some spice! Fall in love again! Go insane. It'll feel so good, you'll wanna do it again.